My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
