Jerry, you need to find god
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
