I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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