He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm too high and old for this...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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