Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
