return my video game
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
