i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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