i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
