you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
