Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
