next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
