You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
