Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
