idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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