sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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