We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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