one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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