if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
