We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
