Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
