My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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