i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
