i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
