That's when you crack a 10am beer
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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