Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
