Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
