that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
