yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
