ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
