It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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