seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
