ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
