Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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