lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
