I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
