capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
