Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
