fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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