i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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