Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
