I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
