is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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