I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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