toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
