My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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