I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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