I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
