I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
