I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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