Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
