my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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