also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
