I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
