I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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