but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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